Well, I am going to meet my father today, anyway. It has been at least 49 years since I saw my father, my biological father. I am fifty. It wasn’t until I was twenty-five that I actually saw a picture of him. I knew he existed…obviously, although there was a period of time during my first grade experience where I explained to my classmates I didn’t have a father, just like Jesus. But eventually I had to learn that I was not quite like the Son of God “in the flesh,” and that my mother was married very young and my father was a guy named Tony.
Everyone is asking how I feel. What are my thoughts? What’s going on inside of me as I prepare for seeing my father for the first time in forty-nine years?
Everyone—at work, at church, my friends—all think it’s great that after all these years my father and I can reunited and get acquainted. Some have cried. Some called their own parents. No one thinks it’s a bad thing.
When people ask me how I am doing with it, I usually respond, “It’s surreal and it probably won’t hit me ‘till I am actually there, face to face.” I confess that I don’t know if I have any hidden, suppressed emotions lurking inside my heart and mind—no one knows these things ‘til the key or moment unlocks them. But I can say that I think it’s great and in God’s good grace and providence that we connected and that my father and I can get reacquainted.
I was born, Anthony Stephen Gonnell to Tony and Judith Gonzalez. For years, when I was little I puzzled over the newspaper clipping we had of my birth announcement. At first I didn’t realize Anthony Stephen was me, and then, when I found out it was me, why a different last name. Strange. But it was uniquely mine, that’s for sure. I don’t know if my mother told me or I thought it up myself—or a combination of the two—but I always told people that my folks were going to start a new life and gave me their future last name. Maybe I’ll find out.
My mom is all supportive and thinks it a blessing to have happened. She can’t wait to hear how it goes.
Everyone is curious about how I will feel when I see my father for, really, the first time in my memory. Yes, I actually have pictures of us together. My mom and my biological father’s family both showed me the pictures they had of us together. But in my memory, at least the recall I am able to force, I have no recollection.
As for how I will feel? I couldn’t tell you. But up front, my concern since I became a Christian, whenever the subject of my biological father came up, has been, I’d like him to know everything is okay. No regrets or doubts on my life history as far as I am concerned. I just wanted to let him know I turned out well as a person and that I had a great life, no matter what happened 49 years ago.
At the end of today…I’ll have met my father for the first time in forty-nine years, and then I’ll know what I’ll feel. I know upfront, God is good and He is a redemptive seeking God who takes joy in redeeming the past—even if it takes forty-nine years.
“I met my father, today” 2 and 3 of 3
Posted by Chip Anderson at 06:06 AM. Filed under: Personal •
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